Fever
Thought I’d write for either me or
you or anyone that will have me. A Thursday in Oakland, hot out but gorgeous,
just about 11AM, the beginning of September, 2008. Sorry for those of you
waiting for novel two. It will be out there, I promise, and it may be the best
thing I’ve ever written. How couldn’t it be, it’s taking me three lifetimes to
finish. Today I’d like to free-write, for the hell of it, just write about
anything that comes to mind. Tough week for sick kids in my house, blowing
booger shnots all over the place. If I don’t get sick it will be a miracle. The
way my life is set up right now, I’m the go-to parent when one of my two kids
is down for the count. Child two’s
symptoms are a very stuffed nose, half-closed eyelids like Garfield, a fever
that spikes at night and a marked irritability around dinner time. This
culminates in her barking at me and whining and sounding like the kind of lady
that leads men to drink warm whiskey from dirty shot glasses. My wife this week
is in Bejing on business. She is in the mobile gaming industry. Glu Mobile. So I
am solo which means I’ve blown my daughter’s nose 8, 456 times. Our process: I
hold the tissue over her nose and coach her, “Harder, again, nice, again.” I
pinch off the mashed green boogers, hand her another piece of tissue and she wipes the excess because the first
few times I killed her nostrils which are sore from all the blowing. She gave me
the dirtiest look I’ve ever received and we tried again. Now that she’s in
charge we are quite well rehearsed.
We can do it in the dark and at any time of the evening, including
3:38AM, 2:06AM and three times before breakfast. Monday was a holiday and she
looked like a zombie so I had to keep her inside. Tuesday, no way, no school, still
riddled with sick and fever, only Motrin keeps her upbeat and normal. Wednesday
I take her to the doctor because the fever is dwindling but still there. Doc
says it’s a cold. I knew that. Why did I need to come to the doctor for that?
Strep throat, ear infection, Pneumonia? All possibilities when fever’s go this
long. I need to get a throat scope and an ear thingy and some Petri dishes and
set up my own lab. Can you imagine the savings? If most of you reading this are
teenagers, I’m sorry for the lame story. An interesting story about my “About
Me,” bio. As I was introducing myself to the Myspace world, I wrote about the
time I went to San Quentin to play baseball against a team of prisoners called
the SQ Giants. After seeing this, I
was contacted by the wife of an ex major league pitcher named Rich Rodriguez.
He played for the Giants, Dodgers and I think Angels and holds the distinct
honor of giving up the very first Barry Bonds’ homerun to splash into the San Francisco
Bay. Mcovey’s Cove, they call it, the pocket of water just over the right field
fence at Pac Bell Park or AT&T Park or whatever it’s called now, Whopper
with Fries Park. So, this very
kind woman, Mrs. Rodriguez, hello kind woman, contacted me and one thing led to
another and I hooked Rich up with some of my old teammates and he went on to
pitch against the prisoners of San Quentin. I believe the outcome was a 3-0 win
by the prisoners. I heard the SQ team all knew that they’d be facing a
professional pitcher and were very excited by it all. I was invited to play but
I’ve recently retired from the game of baseball. The Hall of Fame awaits. I now
play softball. Why? Who would pick SOFT balls if you could have HARD balls? The
answer: Go out on a baseball field
and stand on first base. On the count of three, run as fast as you can toward
second base and when you get close, throw your body on the ground in order to
slide into said base with your foot or fingertips. As you age, this particular
and oh so important aspect of baseball becomes more and more dangerous for the
health of the runner. Some guys play until their ninety and just stop
stealing…and running for that matter. The result. Softball. The most horribly named sport in all
the world. It’s mostly people who don’t play baseball or softball that giggle a
little when I tell them I play softball now. I tell them it’s more competitive
and fast and humbling than they might imagine. A lot like life. So corny.
It’s true, my first novel, The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green,
is still being read out there. I hear from many of you, telling me how much the
book has meant to you. I’d like to say thank you very much for your kind
thoughts.
Fyi – I’ve mentioned this before
but the adaptation for the film of the aforementioned book is finished and
currently being considered.
Nice, my daughter made it through
the school day with no issues. She’s in good spirits and her nose is crusty but
free of any noticeable snot. I tell her the name of the babysitter I’ve hired
for tonight and she doesn’t moan, she likes her, remembers her, yes, good. I
pick up my oldest, a third grader and he’s less excited. “I hate her.”
“Don’t say hate.”
“Where are you going?” he asks me.
“I have a softball game.”
“When will you be back?”
“Like nine.”
“I’ll wait up.”
“Maybe ten.”
“Can I sleep in your bed?”
“Fine.”
“All night?”
“I’ll move you when I get back.”
“Can I go to bed late?”
“No.”
“Can I skip the tub?”
“Yes.”
This has been a small play
entitled, “Parenting Involves Way More Negotiating Than I’d Ever Expected.”
When I get home from the game, both
kids are snoring in my bed, they’re legs and arms splayed over each other with
various stuffed animals pinned beneath them. It’s time to pick them up and put
them in their respective beds. The big one looks a man, or like a long
teenager. The last time I lifted him from a dead sleep my legs tingled in a
nervy way. Am I getting older or
is he getting bigger? I think his head alone might weigh as much as a
watermelon. Maybe if I lift him like a fireman would, over the shoulder. Or how
about I go get his scooter and glide him down the hallway. I got it, I’ll wake him and he can walk.
I reach to lift him and he says,
“I know, I know I will, Roger,” and I have no idea who he’s talking to. Just forget
it. I’ll sleep in his bed.
September 12th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Nice free-write. The play made me laugh
Good stuff. I don’t know what else to type, so just imagine that I typed random encouraging words about the new novel.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
i absolutely love the book. i’m praying the movie will be just as good.
September 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Hey Josh-wah!
Glad you’ve written! Of course, you wrote over two weeks ago, but I’m just now finding out about your new website.
Yay you! Now, if myspace becomes some dumb ass fad (which most people are hoping it will) you’ll be able to stand on your own in the world of the internet and not depend on myspace. But then again, you’ll still be depending on typepad, so maybe you’re screwed anyways. Okay, so I’m rambling.
I’m uber excited about book # 2!! You could virtually charge whatever you wished and even though some people wouldn’t buy it, I still would.
Well, maybe not, I’m poor. But, I’m really excited, nonetheless!
I just graduated from photography school and if these freakin’ hurricanes will let up, eventually I’ll find a job!
Well, it’s raining pretty hard here…Hurricane Ike is on his way as we speak! We’ve decided not to evacuate, well, we decided before we really knew how close it was going to get to us, but we should be alright anyway. (I hope!) We have a sturdy house with boarded up windows and two generators fueled up, just in case.
Anyway, I guess I ought to let you go, so I can go watch the weather channel for the 314,567,888th time today!
Hope you and your family are well!
-Jessi from Southeast Texas
p.s. I have a blog too if you’re interested, I plan on posting again after the storm with some pictures.
http://www.jessihebert.blogspot.com
September 18th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I’m SO glad I was cleaning out my Blog “favorites” folder. Reading your stuff was the only reason I got on Myspace. I’m very glad I don’t have to go there anymore.
School has started. The germ season is upon us. Cheers to you for doing it on your own for a few days.
Did the English JCC thing work out? I hope so. Hope you didn’t get the cold!
May 25th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
My wife has been complaining about how I snore at night it keeps her awake. This is certainly something we can use so hopefully she gets some good sleep